Three Thieves and A Baby
by SaraNomed
Summary: When things go wrong for Team Rocket, they tend to do so in spectacular fashion. It's just another heist, right? Wrong! What to do when a run-of-the-mill bank robbery nets them more than they bargained for? Uh-oh!


The peaceful late-morning air was shattered by the piercing wail of alarm sirens as three masked figures hastily ran from the bank entrance, their arms loaded with canvas bags, strings of jewelry and other miscellaneous bundles. Two guards were right behind them but quickly realizing there was no catching them on foot, they slowed to a halt. Yelling again for them to stop, the one guard drew his gun and fired several shots. They whizzed past the robber's heads, who yelped and picked up their pace as they dashed back to their getaway vehicle. Rounding a corner into a small alley, they threw open the door of a beat-up van, tossed the bags into it, hopped in and sped away, the tires squealing on the rough pavement. A few minutes later, on the outskirts of town, the vehicle skidded to a stop by a stand of large trees. One figure leapt out and started tearing away the brush that hid their balloon basket as an other tied a frayed piece of rope around the van's wheel and weighed down the gas pedal with a rock. The third was busy grabbing their loot from the vehicle and loading it into the basket. Finally, with the bags secured and the balloon ready to fly, one of them reached into the van and put it in drive, jumping away as it briefly bumped along then dove over a short cliff, hitting the bottom with a terrific crash. With a smug grin he hopped into the basket with his companions and the balloon rose up into the bright azure sky.

"To us!" James laughed, and popped the cork on the bottle of champagne they had been saving for just such an occasion, pouring them all a glass-full . It wasn't catching Pikachu, but it was more than good enough for today.

"To da best heist we've had in ages!" added Meowth.

"Here, here!" said Jessie, raising her glass, "Now let's celebrate!"

Sitting on the floor of their basket, they spent the next few minutes laughing, enjoying their champagne, and talking about all the ways to spend their small fortune. Jessie was just asking for a second glass when they all abruptly heard small snuffling, whimpering noises coming from the bags they had piled into a corner.

"Did..did you just hear that...?" James wondered aloud.

Jessie and Meowth nodded, "Mm-hmm..."

All eyes were on the pile when they then noticed movement coming from one of them.

"What is dat?!" said Meowth, a slightly nervous tone in his voice.

Jessie clasped her hands and giggled, "Maybe we got lucky and picked up a rare Pokemon with the rest of the loot! Let's find out!"

She crawled toward the bag, all the while humming cheerfully.

James reached out toward her, "Jessie, be careful! We have no way of knowing what it is, or how angry it is with us!"

"Oh, calm down!" she hissed, now kneeling by the mysterious, wriggling sack.

Her fingers wiggling and grinning with excitement, certain they had hit pay-dirt, she went to quickly untie the strings and tugged it open, "Come to mama!"

A howling cry greeted her, and eyes wide with shock she threw herself backwards with an almost equally loud scream of her own. The bag fell away to reveal a shiny, gold-gilded wicker basket containing a highly upset baby boy swaddled in a silky, powder-blue blanket.

James and Meowth covered their ears, the cat Pokemon yelping, "What kinda Pokemon is _dat?!_ "

"That's no Pokemon that's a baby!" Jessie cried in horror, "How in the world-?!"

Upon hearing James's mutter of 'uh-oh' she whirled toward him, seizing him by the collar and shaking him, snarling furiously, "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"You told me to grab anything that looked valuable!" he protested, futility trying to pry her hands away.

"A baby isn't valuable you idiot!"

"But-but the basket was shiny and golden!"

 _"How did you not notice a baby?!"_

"I was in a hurry-we were kind of _getting shot at!_ "

"Arrgh! Pay attention next time!"

"Be more specific next time!"

With an audible pop, Wobbuffet appeared with his trademark call, but before Jessie could yell at him, he covered his ears at the screeching and put himself back in his own Pokeball, deciding that perhaps he was better off in there.

Meowth, still covering his ears as the child continued to cry, spoke up, "Dis baby might be valuable after all, Jess!"

"And how's that?" she asked sourly.

Grinning a wide, toothy smile Meowth explained, "I'll bet dat mom n' dad would pay a lotta money ta have dere precious lil' one baaack!"

James frowned, "Don't you think we have enough on our rep sheets without adding kidnapping and ransom to the list?"

Ignoring him and thinking about how much more money they could get, Jessie snapped her fingers, "Meowth you delightful devious thing! I like it," she went to grab some paper and a pen from her bag, "Now, what should our note say?"

After a couple minutes of trying to think up a good ransom note, their kidnap-ee howling louder all the while, Jessie disgustedly dropped her pen and covered her ears again, "You know what? Forget it! We've got enough money for now. Putting up with this little thing for that much longer isn't worth it."

"So now what?" Meowth grumbled, his ears beginning to ring and annoyed at his brilliant plan being scrapped, "We can't go back to dat town, dey'll be lookin' for us!"

Jessie rubbed her forehead to ease the throbbing, "We'll drop him off at the next nearest town's police station. They'll see he gets back to his parents and we'll be rid of it...James, how far is the next town anyway?"

He pulled a map from his pocket and studied it for a moment, then sighed, "...About an hour away, with this good wind."

They all groaned, the noise all but drowned out by the continued sobbing in the opposite corner of their basket.

"Well, this is gonna be a fun time..." grumbled Jessie.

Several minutes passed, all the Rockets standing as far from the child as possible.

Finally, in utter exasperation, Jessie pressed her hands to her head, "Make it stop! Don't these things have an off switch for heaven's sake?!"

Rolling his eyes, James replied, "No Jessie, he's a baby. Babies don't have off switches. When they're crying you need to figure out what's wrong to make them stop."

Meowth pleaded, "Den figure it out!"

Smirking, Jessie said, "What a good idea!"

Stepping over to the child, she scooped him up, turned to James and shoved him into his arms, "Here Mr. Baby Expert! Do your thing!"

His eyes wide James asked, "Why me?!"

Her smirk turning into a sneer Jessie replied, "Because you got us into this mess in the first place. And besides, you two have a lot in common-you're both big cry-babies after all!"

James' brow furrowed, his bottom lip stuck out slightly in a pout. With a huff he turned his body slightly away from them and snorted, "Fine! I will!"

Jessie leaned back against the edge of the basket with her arms crossed, half-watching the scenery and him at the same time. Meowth hopped up to the rim beside her, holding onto a rope and completely ignoring James's attempts to calm the baby. He had stuffed paper into his ears in an attempt to drown out the noise.

She watched as James talked softly to him, rambling about being sorry for kidnapping him and promising to get him back to his parents safe and sound while gently rocking him, adding in "shh" noises every so often. Miraculously, it was working. Suddenly, looking at him giving the infant that sweet, dorky grin she felt a strange warmth in her gut. It startled her and her face heated up. 'What the-?' she thought. Shaking her head, her jumbled thoughts settled more into place. 'He'd be a wonderful father...' At that she felt her face turn probably red as an apple and she quickly looked down, gripping her arms tighter and praying neither of them noticed. 'Get ahold of yourself Jessie!' she scolded herself, 'That's...not even..'

"There!" James said, "I think he's asleep."

They all breathed a sigh of relief, enjoying the peace and quiet for which they had a renewed appreciation. James went over to the infant's basket, gingerly placed him in it, and backed away.

Meowth said, "Heh, good work Jimmy! Now da rest of dis trip will be a lot more tolerable!"

Jessie scratched her head, "It's actually a miracle he wasn't hurt when we were escaping-we weren't exactly careful with throwing those bags around..."

It wasn't long, however, before the baby awoke and began to cry again.

With his fingers in his ears, James groaned, "Oh come on! I thought for sure that was what he needed!"

"Ok, that's it!" said Jessie, stalking over to their charge and picking him back up, "I'll shut him up. If you can do it James it can't be _that_ difficult."

She ignored his sideways glare and looked down at the sobbing child, "Alright listen up! Knock it off! Your constant screaming is giving us all a headache so shut it already!"

With his arms crossed, leaning against the basket as she had been doing, James shook his head, "Jessie, you'd make a terrible mother..."

"Well, it's a good thing I don't plan on ever being one!" she sniffed.

A shadow crossed his face, with an expression she couldn't quite pinpoint. He quickly looked at his feet, his long bangs covering his eyes and avoiding her probing gaze.

Shrugging, she turned her attention back to quieting the infant, her voice softer this time, "Why are you crying so much anyway? I mean, besides us accidentally kidnapping you...I mean come on! You're a baby! Your life is cake compared to ours. Your days are spent eating, napping, and playing peek-a-boo or whatever," she sighed, shifting him to hold him a little closer, as the wind had picked up a bit and the basket rocked a bit more; the last thing they needed was to drop him, "Wanna know what my days are like? Being hungry most of the time, not sleeping well, and then having all your brilliant plans foiled by goody-goody little brats! It's awful! Sometimes I swear...that..."

She trailed off as she abruptly noticed he had stopped. His eyes were half-closed, head leaning against her chest, one tiny fist gripping her jacket directly over her heart. Her eyebrow shot up and she muttered with a little smile, "Now what do you think you're doing...?"

Glancing up, she noticed her companions watching her with matching, smug grins. Her own fell.

She felt her face heat up again, "Don't look at me like that! I-I don't like him!"

Meowth said, "But he sure seems ta like you!"

"Well, that's too bad," Jessie said haughtily, "Because the sooner we drop him off, the better!"

Going to the small golden basket, she started to put him back, but as soon as she let go he began howling again. She quickly picked him back up, pleading for him to stop. He quieted, and she again tried to put him down, only to have him cry the moment her hands left him.

In disgust and defeat, she held him and said, "So this is how it's going to be? I have to hold you the _entire time?_ At this point, if it'll keep you quiet I'll do it."

Stretching, Meowth went to a corner of the basket and declared, "I'm takin' a nap! Wake me when we get dere." He yawned, curling into a ball and wrapped his tail around himself.

Jessie's shoulders sank, "How much longer do we have?"

Stepping over to stand next to her, James replied, "About a half-hour, I estimate."

She sighed, shifting the small bundle in her arms and staring out over the landscape. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, thinking to themselves and listening to the wind rustling the treetops below. He glanced sideways at his partner, the wind catching stray tendrils of her silky hair as she occasionally looked down at the infant and his sporadic squeaks or attempts to grab at her clothes with a bemused, he could almost swear happy expression. Watching her, he felt his cheeks flush as a thought came to his mind, 'Maybe...she wouldn't be such a bad mother after all...' He bit his lip, cursing himself internally, 'Don't even think about it James! There's no way...'

Feeling his gaze upon her, Jessie looked up and their eyes met. James tried to quickly look away but found himself ensnared by her sapphire eyes, unable to move. Noticing his blush and the way he was looking at her holding the infant, his expression from earlier became suddenly and alarmingly clear.  
It had been disappointment.

She shook her head slowly, her own face blushing again and heart racing, "If you're thinking what I think you're thinking..."

His muscles now working again, he shook his own head while waving his hands, "N-no! I don't-I mean-hahaha!" he broke into a nervous cackle, "Obviously not! That's ridiculous!"

Jessie's eyes narrowed, "Just because I admitted I loved you and we've banged a couple times-! Goddammit James..." she turned her back to him, "I don't want kids..."

He swallowed, feeling tears welling in his eyes, "I know, I know...I'm sorry the thought even crossed my mind...I'm an idiot."

Sighing heavily, she turned back around. He was startled to see her own eyes wet with tears.

"You are. But you're my idiot, and I still love you," she said quietly, "I can...give you some things. My time, my trust, my body, my heart...but one thing I can't give you is children. What we do, the life we live and what we're striving for...there's no room for kids in there. If that's a problem this needs to stop right now because I can't lead you on. I've had it done to me and I won't do it to you..."

James stared back at her, stunned and mildly unnerved by her unusual sincerity. In a moment his mind was made up.

Closing the space between them, he removed one glove to touch her face, "I can live without kids. But I don't know if I could live without you."

Smiling, Jessie said, "Even though I'm a bitch?"

"I prefer 'feisty' or 'refuses-to-take-any-crap' but yeah, if you want to use bitch..."

They chuckled, the tension in the air dissipated. For a little while they spoke occasionally but mostly they simply stood side-by-side, quietly enjoying the beautiful day and each others presence. Leaning out a little, James shielded his eyes against the bright sun and peered a ways ahead of them.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, "We're just about there!"

Going over to Meowth, Jessie nudged him sharply with her toe, "Hey cat! Nap time's over. We have a plan to work out here."

A door chime pinged cheerfully at the small, local police station as an older couple walked in. The woman carried a shiny wicker basket from which whimpering cries emanated and the man held a sleepy-looking Meowth wearing a large bow on it's collar. They both looked visibly upset.

The secretary looked up from her desk in concern, "Good afternoon! What seems to be the trouble?"

"Well, it's just terrible!" the woman croaked, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief, "We were going for a lil' stroll and found this poor, helpless little thing all alone!"

She set the basket on the secretary's desk, who's hand flew to her mouth at the sight of the sobbing infant.

"You mean you just-found him?! No one was around?"

The man shook his head, "Not a soul! It's a tragedy! We looked around, but the only thing we found was this note in the poor child's basket!"

He handed to the secretary who read it aloud, "Oops! We robbed a bank and ended up with this brat too! Good riddance!"

Shaking her head in disgust, the woman said, "The nerve of some people!"

The secretary snapped her fingers and grabbed her phone, jabbing at several numbers.

After a moment she said quickly, "Chief? Didn't we just get an alert for a kidnapped child? Well, I think we've got him here!"

Seconds later, a large man threw open a nearby door, brushing doughnut powder off his shirt as he approached, "Really?! That would be wonderful! Let me see!"

Taking a quick look, the chief declared, "Yes! This is definitely the one! The alert noted the gold basket and his name embroidered on the blanket's edge!"

Jessie blinked, almost forgetting to put on her 'old-lady' voice, "Oh! We must have missed that. What is this sweet angel's name?"

Picking him up, the secretary giggled as the baby babbled, "It says 'Jeremy'. Don't you worry little guy! We're gonna call your parents right away and they'll be here in no time!"

Shaking his head, the chief turned to the trio, "It sure is lucky you two happened along to find him! Now what are your names so we can put this story in the papers?"

The couple shook their heads, the man laughing with a mildly jittery tone, "Oh no! That won't be necessary! We're just happy to have helped!"

With a shrug, the chief said, "Suit yourselves. Well, in that case, we've got it from here. Thank you for your quick-thinking and compassion!"

The secretary took Jeremy's small hand, helped him 'wave' at them and said in a childish voice, "Yes, thank you! Bye-bye, my heroes!"

They waved halfheartedly, trying to leave as quickly as possible. Once they had left the edge of town and were nearly back to their balloon, they tore off their wigs and started generally disassembling their disguises. James set Meowth down, who gladly plucked off the frilly bow.

Hopping back into the basket, James fired up the burner as Jessie and Meowth untied the ropes holding it down. This accomplished, they once again gently floated up into the sky.

Folding his arms behind his head, Meowth declared, "Good riddance, indeed! Now we can get back ta business!"

"Actually," said Jessie, "Let's not. Let's take the rest of today off. We've been through more than enough for one day."

"Whaaat? But we still got plenty a' time ta track down dat twerp n'-"

Jessie glared at him, "No! We're taking a well-earned break. Got a problem with that?"

The Pokemon backed off, grumbling to himself, and plopped down in the corner containing their haul. He glowered at them until his eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep again.

In the meantime, Jessie leaned on the railing, looking out ahead of them, "So now that we don't have a particular destination, where to?"

Joining her, James replied after a thoughtful minute, "Wherever the wind takes us sounds good."

He hesitantly slid his hand across and toward her, and without looking, she grasped it. Abruptly, she pulled him close, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head against his shoulder. They stood like that for a long time, lost in their own thoughts.

"I'm sorry..." she finally uttered.

"For what?"

"You know."

"It's okay..."

Somehow, she knew he wasn't entirely sincere. The tone is his voice was slightly off, his muscles twitching in just the wrong way. Sometimes, she hated being able to read him so well...


End file.
